More Wolf Than Women

​Did you ever find a quote that sticks with you and you can’t stop thinking about it? 
 
“Some days I am more wolf than woman and I am still learning how to stop apologising for my wild.”
-        Nikita Gill
 
As I ponder the quote, more so I ponder why it speaks to me so loudly.  One of my career struggles has been balancing finding my voice with managing others’ opinions of an out-spoken woman.  I can imagine many others have struggled with this exact issue. 
 
When I started my career in the AV industry, I was in my early 20’s.  It quickly became obvious that this was a male-dominated industry with ceilings for women to shatter.  Not to say I was not welcomed – quite the opposite, in fact, but, as with most industries, there is a struggle being the minority.  Being in this environment was somewhat intimidating to me; I struggled to find a voice.  In fact, I came very close to leaving when my boss told me I was being too meek and it was time for me to take charge.  Instead of letting this get me down, I took the statement as a challenge and rose to the occasion.  It was as if he had given me permission to take my place in the industry and I was ready for it.
 
Speaking up, ensuring things were getting done at the office, made my life easier.  Suddenly tradeshows were running smoother and people were paying attention when I spoke up.  Not a shock to anyone but me.  You have to give yourself permission to take charge – I didn’t give myself that until someone told me I could.  Whatever it took, it made a big change in my life.
 
After some smooth sailing years, I was told I needed to “ask” people to do tasks instead of telling them.  It was a shot to my heart; for those who know me, I am always polite – please and thank you accompany all requests.  So why did these comments bother me so much?  Because I am very sure this same criticism would not have been said to a man.  Why did I need to ask people instead of direct them? 
 
That is the first time it occurred to me that a strong woman can be viewed as a threat.  Here I was, working hard, ensuring projects were completed but I was being chastised for not saying “will you please do xxx” instead of “please do xxx”.   I thought about this a lot – not only because it went on my official review but because I concluded this criticism did not have merit.  I was doing my job and doing it well.  It was not the time for me to regress and ask permission to get my job done; that’s not an efficient way for anyone to work.  I had taken a long time to find my voice and I’m not going to let it go.
 
So, no, I am not going to apologize for my wild.  I’m going to embrace it.  I hope you’ll join me.